loss
Today was one of the most difficult days in my life. For the first time, I attended a funeral for one of my friends. I mentally prepared myself as best I could, but there’s no way to prepare yourself for the sudden realization that the majority of people in attendance were under 21 years old.
Funerals touch on so many different kinds of emotions. The viewing is something that will stay in your mind forever… I’ve been to a few before but there is nothing like seeing your close friend in that position. It’s confusing. It’s unreal. He looked so peaceful, and he was swagged out just the way he would have wanted to be.
I try to keep in mind that the person laying there and the person whose life you are there to celebrate are two different people. Seeing them one last time is difficult but at the same time it gives you some sort of closure in the sense that you realize it’s not just a bad dream. It’s reality; and you have no choice but to accept that.
The funeral was beautiful. There were so many people there and all of them loved him so much. He would’ve been happy to see that.
I’ve been wondering if he knew how incredible of a person he was while he was alive. I wonder if he thought having that many friends and being close with that many people was out of the ordinary or if it was just normal to him. Knowing Kaveh, he probably didn’t think much of it. His heart was so big and had such a large capacity for love. He gave his love to so many people without ever having to be asked. I’ve never met someone who genuinely cared that much about so many people.
I feel like he really was everyone’s best friend. He was my rock; he was one of the few people I could truly depend on. He came into my life at a time where I was feeling alone. He kept my spirits up when I was going through some really difficult things. He always knew exactly what to say when I was mad or upset, and not a lot of people can do that. I can only imagine the ways he managed to touch the lives of everyone else that was there.
He was a hero to many, which is fitting because the meaning of his name in Persian is “name of a hero.”
Those who spoke about him did a wonderful job. “To know Kaveh is to know his friends meant the world to him.” I’ll never forget that, because it was spoken by his godmother. I thought it was really profound for a family member to say something like that.
He touched so many lives. There were so many different people there; people I have known almost my entire life, people from various states, and of course people I had never seen before. He brought so many people together. And it is inevitable that he will continue to do so. Our memories of him and our stories and all of the many stories he told us will keep him alive in our hearts.
It’s hard to explain the impact that knowing Kaveh has on you if you didn’t get the chance to know him yourself. I think today was an expression of that. I know for a fact there were people there today who had met him just once, and instantly connected with him; something so many of us have experienced ourselves.
So now the reality has set in. I feel a kind of sorrow and heartbreak unlike any other. But I know there are so many people suffering from the same pain and loss that I am. He would want us to be there for each other, but more importantly he would want all of us to go on living, and live our lives to the fullest for that matter.
Rest in peace Kaveh. You’ll always be my boo.
