awakening
I met someone before I left for school that altered my perception in many ways. I wish I could go back to the beginning of the summer and take the opportunity that was offered to me; but as they say, hindsight is 20/20.
I was busy being young and naive, chasing an uneducated, unproductive, and overall worthless individual with virtually nothing to offer me. My time with this person was brief yet drawn-out. I experienced more drama and negativity in the span of roughly a month and a half than I had experienced in quite some time. I don’t mean to dwell on the past, but I intend to keep this in my mind so that history will not repeat itself.
It’s hard to explain the choices I have made, because at times I cannot even rationalize them to myself. Looking back and wondering “What was I thinking?” becomes too frequent of a question in my mind.
When I am admonished for these poor judgments of character, I often respond with sarcasm saying, “It’s not like I meet someone and automatically give them a checklist; Are you respectful? Are you motivated? Are you dysfunctional?” After saying it over and over again, it really doesn’t sound like that bad of an idea.
To those of you who have negatively impacted me, I applaud you. You have given me an understanding of the fact that there are bad people in the world. Some people pose the question, “Are people inherently good or evil?” My opinions on this subject may seem harsh, but if you disagree I can introduce you to a couple of these people I am referring to.
I do not have the knowledge to say whether or not people enter this world as “good” or “evil”, but I know there are people who choose these paths for themselves. This is not to say that certain people don’t have reasons for being disrespectful or acting immorally. My question is, why do these people feel justified in bringing their issues into the world and cast them upon undeserving people through bouts of rage and blatant disrespect?
To all of you who get satisfaction by wreaking havoc in the lives of others, I hope you change your ways before it is too late. Your selfishness will not get you anywhere. Destroying the self-esteem and dignity of those around you will only result in you feeling the deepest sense of emptiness when your victim gains the strength to free them self from your grasp. I have seen it happen to not only me, but to so many around me, from both points of view; the predator and his prey.
I had the privilege of getting to know this person during the last couple of weeks before I left for school. We spent hours just talking, which was something different for me. It had been so long since I met someone who was interested in learning about me; someone who was eager to listen to me talk, someone who I believe truly wanted to understand me.
He was shy in the most entrancing way. I was captivated instantly. His ideals were so unfamiliar to me, yet he brushed them off insisting that this was normal. He laughed and told me that this is just how people are supposed to be treated.
It was at that moment that something clicked in my head; he was right. Though I have spent years being dragged down by negativity, I have a lifetime ahead of me to discover my self-worth.
I am approaching him with caution; I have a guarded heart. Whether he is in my life for a short period of time or a long while, he has taught me a lesson that it has taken me too long to learn. Whether he is just a friend or becomes more than that, I will never forget what he did for me.
So why then, is it so much easier for some people to drain someone of happiness instead of filling them with love? I can tell you; feeling respected and loved is one of the best feelings in the world. Try it on for size.
